HEADLINE


"While i was busy in ANALYSING MYSELF, i realised i missed ENJOYMENT, While i was busy in enjoyment i realised i missed OPPURTUNITIES, While i was busy in gathering opportunities i realised i missed PEOPLE WHO LOVED ME, While i was busy in getting back people who loved me i realised i missed BEING MYSELF..... So now i live to the fullest WITH NO REGRETS"

Saturday, December 31, 2011

"क्या खोया, क्या पाया 2011"




कुछ सीखा, हमेशा की तरह.
जो  चाहता था वो भी मिला,
जिसकी उम्मीद थी वो भी मिला
जिसकी ज़रुरत थी, वो न मिला
कुछ हासिल हुआ, कुछ खो दिया
कुछ जीता, कुछ जीता हुआ खो दिया
कुछ खोया हुआ जीता था, वो भी खो दिया..


कुछ अच्छे लोग मिले,
कुछ बुरे लोग मिले.
कुछ बहुत बुरे लोग मिले,
जो बुरे मिले उनमे कुछ अपने मिले..
जो अपने मिले उनमे कुछ बुराई मिली,
अच्छाई तो थी ही, तभी वो अपने they




कुछ खुद में ढूँढा, बुरा
कुछ बुरा मिला, कुछ कमी मिली.
कुछ कमियों को सुधरने का जरिया मिला,
लेकिन..., कमियों को सुधरने का मौका नहीं मिला......


सुकून है, कमियों के बारे में पता तो चला,
क्या पता, अगली बार मौका मिल जाये?
सुधरने का जरिया अब मिला है, उसे काम में लाओ,
उसे खो मत देना............




खुश हैं लोग, खुश रहो,
यह मत सोचो क्या खोया?
यह सोचो और क्या खो सकता था?


अपनों में बुराई खोजो तो.
उसे सुधरने का जज्बा भी रक्खो...

जो खुद में अच्छा है उसे सामने लाओ, 
बुराई और कमियों को सुधारने का मौका अपने आप मिलेगा.  


एक चीज़ सीखा.... 
" तुम्हे ऐसे ही कुछ भी नहीं मिलेगा, कुछ भी नहीं. और अगर मिलता है तो उसकी क़दर करो, उसे संभल के रक्खो, इश्वर के आशीर्वाद की तरह, वरना छीन लिया जायेगा"

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

God, i am sorry

Being puzzeled in your life is not always a bad phase in your life, sometimes it allows you to avoid the pain, Agony and Disdain you could have if you would have certain with your descision. And after a leap of time you realize that being puzzeled was the best descision taken by you on that particular time, Sometimes it has the power to save a relation. These are the things i do not want to discuss with anyone, and i never wanted them to be discussed with me even, despite of that if these were discussed with me so what is the harm if i share them with you. Sometimes it makes me feel i have lost the art of writing but as i said i am puzzeled i actually find that the art of writing was snatched from me by some evil force, or if i am only afraid of loosing this art however the art is still there within myself and i have still not lost it... Sorry i cannot write anymore... but one thing i have surely gained and the gained thing over the lost one surely have some value more than the former. That is "The art of forgiving" atleast i should know for what i am forgiving. this is the Art, the art is to forgive the person without knowing his mistakes, without knowing why you are choosen to forgive him, without knowing what should be the reasonable punishment if you wont have forgiven him. This art in not easy to learn.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

DEATH OF MY FRIEND [3]






"हाथ ज़ख़्मी हुए तो कुछ अपनी ही खता थी ,

लकीरों को मिटाने चले थे किसी को पाने के लिए।"







Lucky are the people who find true love in their life, but luckier are those who comes back to their senses before the time runs out. Today my friend's FB status says, "I really admire people who still try to hold a smile when they have every right to break down... " and it feels like it was exclusively written for me to inspire me. Today the reason for me to smile was taken away by the person i believe was my reason to smile. After, all the things happened with me i am actually puzzeled from where do i start to recollect the broken fragments of my heart and glue them together? Ofcource she was not bounded to let me know all the things clearly, why should she? she was not commited to me, so how can i say whatever she did was ethically wrong? People do not buy respect, they earn them. she was getting enough respect from me because somewhere i felt she deserve that. "6 years, i never thought my heart will stop yeilding respect after the sixth year, but she has never cared, if she felt so she was getting the thing which was never her's then why was she crying? when after giving the right thing to the wrong person i was not crying, WHO THE HELL HAS GIVEN THE DAMN PERMISSION TO THIS GIRL TO SHED HER TEARS ON ME? who the hell has given her permission to make me feel guilty for what i havent did? who the hell has given her permission to complaint against my uncivilized behaviour, why the hell she was expecting herself to be understood when she was failing to explain herself? that was giving a feeling, she was trying to make fun of me.



This is my punishment. Yes, this should be my punishment if it took me 6 years to understand that she do not value me when out of 6 i waited 3 years just to deliver my apology to her, she do not value my efforts made for her when i selflessly converted a human being into a machine which can convert her problems to processed solutions, she had never cared for my belief when i said i loved her for her Principles. The step she has taken clearly indicates she was very much comfortable loosing a friend, ME. Still she was expecting me to stay calm?



W H Y ?




Oh My God, that was unhumane............ But i am not the only person in the world who is traveling across this traveil, there are too many of us, so? what do they do in such kind of situation? what is the most expected reaction from we people? like others why dont i just give a damn to her and end every kind of relationship from her? why i am overreacting?








Thursday, June 30, 2011

DEATH OF MY FRIEND [2]







Sometimes something which we feel cannot be explain words, sometimes the reasons why we are feeling so can not be understood, Sometimes the wierdness of our behaviour is unjustifiable.


Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame in the relationship, but by this way we miss out some warmth that is needed. some things are not merely to blame. Remember always that life is not that easy to understand as it seems. Never try to apply your logic to understand every situation... Let life play its own complexity.



Sometimes, Sometimes and Sometimes it happens.


But there is a need of worying when this Sometimes changes to Often.
i often question myslf what is the need of giving myself that much pain when she is least bothered about me? i often question myslf why to look foolish while serving her when she hardly needs me, i often question myslf if this time, was there any other way which would have avoided this mishap?
i often question myslf why out of the entire 1crore 25 lakh population God has choosen me to give this pain?



W H Y ?


The language i have used for her, the words i have spoken to her, i would have killed him if anybody else spoken to her that way. Because i was so careful as i know एक तेज़ हवा का झोका, इन सब गतिविधियों को तबाह कर सकता था।




Because her self confidence was in the process of building up, it was so delicate that i have everytime sheilded it with my half folded palms. with my continous efforts of 2 complete years i have builded her belief in herself. I made her realize the world is no one to decide what she should do with her life, I gave her wings and assures her the sky was all hers, she can fearlessly spread her wings and fly high. I made her noticed that she has more positive points in her profile than negetive ones. i made her belief that she was neither arthropophobic, nor social anxiety disorder patient and definately do not need any psychatrist for her recovery, i assured her she needs no moral police as long i am alive, I encouraged her she needs to put effort for what she should do until it becomes a habit and most importantly, i made her realize she have done nothing for which she needs to feel shame of herself. And these habits are as premature as the weak vanderwall forces, they were so weak that एक तेज़ हवा का झोका, इन सब गतिविधियों को तबाह कर सकता था। i also knew its only me who knows we have to take special care of her if we want to strenthen her. and believe me i selflessly want this girl to give that strength.
and she think i have ended all these goodness just because i find her commited with someone else? or whatever is the reason?



All these thoughts filled my mind... all day long,


My Another Lap of SMS:




  • 1. #@$^, जैसा मैं तेरे लिए अपने प्यार की इज्ज़त करता हु, तेरे प्यार की इज्ज़त करना भी मेरा फ़र्ज़ था, येही सोचके मैंने तुझे बुलाके %*#@!$^ और तेरा relationship कितना gracefully accept किया था, उसके बाद तेरा दूसरा relationship एक दम से इतने ही gracefully कैसे accept करता? इसी सोच ने मेरे दिल में तेरे लिए ज़हर भर दिया। मैंने तुझे hurt किया, क्यूंकि उस time वह बात मेरी समझ के बहार थी।



  • 2. मैंने तो गलत किया ही है, i agree, लेकिन तुने भी बहुत गलत किया है यह सच्चाई भी accept कर। और इस वजह से तेरी गलती कम नहीं हो जाती।



  • 3. मैंने तो पाप किया था, उसी की माफ़ी मांगने आया था आज। #@$^, तुम्हारी position तो बहुत ऊपर है , किसी भी इंसान के बारे में ऐसा कहना बड़ी गिरी हुई हरकत है। i know, But the pain i had is still the same जो तुमने मुझे दिया है।

DEATH OF MY FRIEND





I was withering in pain, wanted to talk to her, wanted to know why it has become so necessary to do the thing, the way which had hurted me the most, wanted justification for the entire act,



the vodafone number you are calling is busy on another call, kindly hold the line or call again later !!!

जिस vodaphone उपभोगता को आप फोने लगा रहे हैं वह अभी दुसरे कॉल में व्यस्त हैं, कृपया लाइन में बने रहे या पुनह प्रयास करें धन्यवाद .


34 calls one after another, beeped the same message..... पुनह प्रयास करें धन्यवाद.


One after another i have shoot 5 SMS's


1. out of all the dirty things u posess, u know what is the dirtiest one? u r such a coward girl, now face me. u bloody murdrer of my friend.


2. jis relation ko banane k liye tune mere friend ki jaan li hai... that relation will never work for you.. A bleeding heart is cursing you really, dil se.


3. U have Smashed my belief by your foot, God will never forgive you.


the vodafone number you are calling is busy on another call, kindly hold the line or call again later !!! .................. For another 26 times.


4. kitni besharam insaan hai tu, mujhe laga itna itna sunne ke baad kahin mooh chhupa ke ro rahi hogi, lekin tu toh apne naye yaar ke sath lagi hui hai. Shameless creature.


5. Will talk to u tomorrow, u have 2 options ya baat kar lena ya jaise vinay ko kaha tha, apne boyfrn se bolke mujhe pitwa dena.


That time my senses were overruled by my demons.... for me i was talking to the murdrer of my friend, the friend whoom i have loved like anything. i believed my friend has died and will never be back, and i wanted to shoot the killer right away. By any how i wanted my friend back. but knowing that it was not possible my frustration started circulating throughout my body like glucose in blood and my anger started leaking invoulantry from the pores of my body, and i was having no control over that.
"Strange but true"


Another 11 calls were made and it was still beeping busy tone. 12th call after a while gave the first ring, suddnly disconnected. My another cellphone beeped SMS tone,


Her reply:

God himself knows that i've done nothing wrong, so mujhe kuch nhi hoga. m not a coward girl. One thing get cleared in your mind, you've lost your bestest friend you could ever have... and now i know that i've lost.....

JUST NOTHING.!


My re-reply:

Even mujhe bhi pata hai tumhe kuchh nahi hoga, kyunki bhagwan se maine manga tha tumhare saare dukh mujhe mil jaye.. I m still paying 4dat, and keep paying. u just keep urself happy seeing me bleeding and withiring in pain.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Realizations...



May, june & July are the three months in roman calender i always confused with, i m never able to remember any special day or historical moment comes in these 3 months, not even my mother's birthday, no certain reason for this but this happens from childhood, and never i have tried to figure out the reason for this.



The only good thing about present days are, they are falling in the month of may, june and july and i m sure they cannot be remembered long, only which i can consider had brought me in very pathetic condition... Surely they are not amongst the worst days of my life because the condition has taught me a lot of things.



A little mystry, a liitle pain, a litte struggle is very necessary in life, at least for making a referance that the days you consider good, and to know exactly how much goodness they actually posess. a little misfortune will bring you in a position where you are forced to rely upon your hard work more than your luck. A person can only enjoy the taste of success who himself has experienced failure. Someone has right said "दूसरो की गलतियों से क्या सीखना" try your own mistakes.





Few wrong descisions in your life will make yoy realize how correct your parents were, few wrong people will make you realize how precious your true friends were, and a heavy loss in your business makes you realize how satisfying that little profit was. But the factor of REALIZATION only comes when you trave across this Deep Intellect slumber.


Being motivated everytime is not possible, being energetic, being efficient, being aware may not be possible everytime, but which needs to be uninteruptedly continuing in you in any circumstances is being enthusiastic. what i beleive from my very experiences is its absolutely fine and acceptable if have nothing in hands, but its absolutely not acceptable if you have nothing in your dreams.


Cry, if you feel like crying.

Shout, if you feel like shouting.

Sing loud, if you feel like.

Make arguments illogically, irritate people unreasonably, make offences... show frustration if you are frustrated... its acceptable

but which is not acceptable is HOPELESSNESS.