DEATH OF MY FRIEND [2]

Sometimes something which we feel cannot be explain words, sometimes the reasons why we are feeling so can not be understood, Sometimes the wierdness of our behaviour is unjustifiable.

Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame in the relationship, but by this way we miss out some warmth that is needed. some things are not merely to blame. Remember always that life is not that easy to understand as it seems. Never try to apply your logic to understand every situation... Let life play its own complexity.

Sometimes, Sometimes and Sometimes it happens.

But there is a need of worying when this Sometimes changes to Often.
i often question myslf what is the need of giving myself that much pain when she is least bothered about me? i often question myslf why to look foolish while serving her when she hardly needs me, i often question myslf if this time, was there any other way which would have avoided this mishap?
i often question myslf why out of the entire 1crore 25 lakh population God has choosen me to give this pain?

W H Y ?

The language i have used for her, the words i have spoken to her, i would have killed him if anybody else spoken to her that way. Because i was so careful as i know एक तेज़ हवा का झोका, इन सब गतिविधियों को तबाह कर सकता था।

Because her self confidence was in the process of building up, it was so delicate that i have everytime sheilded it with my half folded palms. with my continous efforts of 2 complete years i have builded her belief in herself. I made her realize the world is no one to decide what she should do with her life, I gave her wings and assures her the sky was all hers, she can fearlessly spread her wings and fly high. I made her noticed that she has more positive points in her profile than negetive ones. i made her belief that she was neither arthropophobic, nor social anxiety disorder patient and definately do not need any psychatrist for her recovery, i assured her she needs no moral police as long i am alive, I encouraged her she needs to put effort for what she should do until it becomes a habit and most importantly, i made her realize she have done nothing for which she needs to feel shame of herself. And these habits are as premature as the weak vanderwall forces, they were so weak that एक तेज़ हवा का झोका, इन सब गतिविधियों को तबाह कर सकता था। i also knew its only me who knows we have to take special care of her if we want to strenthen her. and believe me i selflessly want this girl to give that strength.
and she think i have ended all these goodness just because i find her commited with someone else? or whatever is the reason?

All these thoughts filled my mind... all day long,

My Another Lap of SMS:

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  1. #@$^, जैसा मैं तेरे लिए अपने प्यार की इज्ज़त करता हु, तेरे प्यार की इज्ज़त करना भी मेरा फ़र्ज़ था, येही सोचके मैंने तुझे बुलाके %*#@!$^ और तेरा relationship कितना gracefully accept किया था, उसके बाद तेरा दूसरा relationship एक दम से इतने ही gracefully कैसे accept करता? इसी सोच ने मेरे दिल में तेरे लिए ज़हर भर दिया। मैंने तुझे hurt किया, क्यूंकि उस time वह बात मेरी समझ के बहार थी।

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  2. मैंने तो गलत किया ही है, i agree, लेकिन तुने भी बहुत गलत किया है यह सच्चाई भी accept कर। और इस वजह से तेरी गलती कम नहीं हो जाती।

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  3. मैंने तो पाप किया था, उसी की माफ़ी मांगने आया था आज। #@$^, तुम्हारी position तो बहुत ऊपर है , किसी भी इंसान के बारे में ऐसा कहना बड़ी गिरी हुई हरकत है। i know, But the pain i had is still the same जो तुमने मुझे दिया है।