"While i was busy in ANALYSING MYSELF, i realised i missed ENJOYMENT, While i was busy in enjoyment i realised i missed OPPURTUNITIES, While i was busy in gathering opportunities i realised i missed PEOPLE WHO LOVED ME, While i was busy in getting back people who loved me i realised i missed BEING MYSELF..... So now i live to the fullest WITH NO REGRETS"

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

" Don't Tell My Mother, I Am In Pain "

Quietly by the each passing day i am regaining my health, my recovery is on rise and now i can say i have experienced the preciousness of life after surviving an illness of 45 days. Now when i have made victory over my inertia, everything around me is looking so amazing; and slowly while the world is not looking i gradually rediscovering my social life as well. 

But few days back when after an agony of 13 days i was shifted to ICU for the treatment of Viral Hepatitis, things were not like that, I have never seen myself like this, and i would rather hate to see myself like this again, but actually i was happy, i was happy that i was alive. See i was not looking as handsome as i was looking a couple of week before, but i was feeling better than i was feeling a couple of days before. 16 February 2015, That was my 4th day without sleep and a fortnight without proper food, i was constantly loosing my appetite, severe pain in my joints, headache, vomiting and weakness drops to its worst level. i was feeling something in my stomach and bearing pain similar to the labor pain of a pregnant lady, (the pain leads my imagination to make such comparison). The final day when i was taken to the hospital, i was gone through the worst condition of my life, i have live experienced the situation of a person what he might feel before death, i had a feeling like death approaches towards me. Gradually i have noticed few disabilities in my body. My eyes turns yellow, my skin turns black. I was hallucinating, forgetting things i.e loss of memory, may be because proper blood circulation or oxygen was not reaching to the brain. My throat chokes away, i cannot raise my voice may be because lack of energy. i cannot able to control my flow of urine (Micturation) and the worst thing is i was unable to feel my limbs i was not getting sense where my hand and legs were. 

Immediately my parents rushed and i was admitted in IMCU (Intensive Medical Care Unit) of Fortis Hospital, where 5 electrode wires (Electrical Impulses Cable) attached to my body 2 in chest and 3 in stomach, and a nerve conduction device is attached to my finger and the other end to a medical monitoring device for monitoring my health. A cannula is pierced in the reverse of my right hand palm, the glucose and other medicines were administrated intravenously through this cannula, they have taken a plenty of my blood to carry out a dozen of tests.  My mother look like she is going to cry when she looks at me but i didn't want that to happen, i wanted to have my family look at me with pride instead of hopelessness. I am a strong boy i assured my mother but in real i turn weak when i see tears in my mothers eyes, she hold my hand and assured me she wont let anything bad happen with me and her tears rolled over my hand. I assured her, i can absolutely survive the hardest situation i'll ever have to be in. I was in pain but i do not want my family to be constantly terrified over my condition. i wanted my family to be firm & proud of myself every time, in every situation. My mother was constantly crying and is making me weaker so i didn't cause her pain anymore. In order to see me recovering fast, i asked her to promise me to smile every time she looks at me, instead of looking completely broken.

I knew that my illness shouldn't define my future, I knew that i deserve to be healthy again, both emotionally and physically. I am having a lot's of pending work to be done; i have to rebuilt some relationships that were hurt, i need to fix it so to be able to say "I LOVE YOU" without thinking that she will take this in distress and become hopeless about myself being an irresponsible man again. I never wanted people to show sympathy over me for being unwell, i wanted to recover at the earliest so that i can get attention for the right reasons. I know my people, my friends who love me will love to see me happy healthy and confident, but then i had no option else to bear the pain and to wait to overcome my illness. Doctors knew their job well and were doing what was needful. After 7 long days i was ready to be discharged when the doctors examined that i was out of danger and is safe to take me back to home, i was still complaining about severe headache in the back of my head, the doctor smiled and replied; "This is the least of your suffering young boy". I was feeling grateful to the almighty and then to the gentleman Dr. Sanjay Kumar (Gastroenterologist), who was not less than the shadow of God to me. I thanked him for saving my life and came back to a more deserving place "Sweet Home"

And now after another 15 days i am still in hysteria that i actually survived such an illness; but yes it happened. it happened because of your millions of good wishes, because of the power of positivism inside me and my family. And steadily i am learning to relive because i deserve to be stay healthy. I no longer have needle piercing spots over my body, Of course i am taking my medicines on time because i understand it is helping me & not because i am forced to do so. Gently i am re learning to celebrate the little, daily victories, i can think clearly again, yellowness from my eyes fades away and i am regaining my fairness and appetite. i finally able to join the chat and laughter of whats-app groups with my friends. i am again active on facebook and started posting posts in order to get business. i found time and will to write blog to recollect my memories and to let my people know about my experience. Everyday i challenge myself to see how strong i am; "mentally, not physically", Physically i am still weak from inside & doctor has advised me for a month of bed-rest and i respect my body's limits.

I feel grateful to the almighty, and i can never forget my family's effort that i finally feel live again, see, i am back to my senses,. Calmly, i am shaping into my form again, i am almost ready to do again what i once could. I know i am more worthy than my struggles defines me and along with me the world deserves to know that. A pulsating dynamic personality is evolving within me and no one have the power to stop me. I am preparing myself for the future. This condition taught me a several things and i don't want to forget my learning and i could remember all of them in my experiences

Your's Loving........ XOXO

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