DEATH OF MY FRIEND [2]

Sometimes something which we feel cannot be explain words, sometimes the reasons why we are feeling so can not be understood, Sometimes the wierdness of our behaviour is unjustifiable.

Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame in the relationship, but by this way we miss out some warmth that is needed. some things are not merely to blame. Remember always that life is not that easy to understand as it seems. Never try to apply your logic to understand every situation... Let life play its own complexity.

Sometimes, Sometimes and Sometimes it happens.

But there is a need of worying when this Sometimes changes to Often.
i often question myslf what is the need of giving myself that much pain when she is least bothered about me? i often question myslf why to look foolish while serving her when she hardly needs me, i often question myslf if this time, was there any other way which would have avoided this mishap?
i often question myslf why out of the entire 1crore 25 lakh population God has choosen me to give this pain?

W H Y ?

The language i have used for her, the words i have spoken to her, i would have killed him if anybody else spoken to her that way. Because i was so careful as i know एक तेज़ हवा का झोका, इन सब गतिविधियों को तबाह कर सकता था।

Because her self confidence was in the process of building up, it was so delicate that i have everytime sheilded it with my half folded palms. with my continous efforts of 2 complete years i have builded her belief in herself. I made her realize the world is no one to decide what she should do with her life, I gave her wings and assures her the sky was all hers, she can fearlessly spread her wings and fly high. I made her noticed that she has more positive points in her profile than negetive ones. i made her belief that she was neither arthropophobic, nor social anxiety disorder patient and definately do not need any psychatrist for her recovery, i assured her she needs no moral police as long i am alive, I encouraged her she needs to put effort for what she should do until it becomes a habit and most importantly, i made her realize she have done nothing for which she needs to feel shame of herself. And these habits are as premature as the weak vanderwall forces, they were so weak that एक तेज़ हवा का झोका, इन सब गतिविधियों को तबाह कर सकता था। i also knew its only me who knows we have to take special care of her if we want to strenthen her. and believe me i selflessly want this girl to give that strength.
and she think i have ended all these goodness just because i find her commited with someone else? or whatever is the reason?

All these thoughts filled my mind... all day long,

My Another Lap of SMS:

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  1. #@$^, जैसा मैं तेरे लिए अपने प्यार की इज्ज़त करता हु, तेरे प्यार की इज्ज़त करना भी मेरा फ़र्ज़ था, येही सोचके मैंने तुझे बुलाके %*#@!$^ और तेरा relationship कितना gracefully accept किया था, उसके बाद तेरा दूसरा relationship एक दम से इतने ही gracefully कैसे accept करता? इसी सोच ने मेरे दिल में तेरे लिए ज़हर भर दिया। मैंने तुझे hurt किया, क्यूंकि उस time वह बात मेरी समझ के बहार थी।

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  2. मैंने तो गलत किया ही है, i agree, लेकिन तुने भी बहुत गलत किया है यह सच्चाई भी accept कर। और इस वजह से तेरी गलती कम नहीं हो जाती।

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  3. मैंने तो पाप किया था, उसी की माफ़ी मांगने आया था आज। #@$^, तुम्हारी position तो बहुत ऊपर है , किसी भी इंसान के बारे में ऐसा कहना बड़ी गिरी हुई हरकत है। i know, But the pain i had is still the same जो तुमने मुझे दिया है।

DEATH OF MY FRIEND

I was withering in pain, wanted to talk to her, wanted to know why it has become so necessary to do the thing, the way which had hurted me the most, wanted justification for the entire act,

the vodafone number you are calling is busy on another call, kindly hold the line or call again later !!!

जिस vodaphone उपभोगता को आप फोने लगा रहे हैं वह अभी दुसरे कॉल में व्यस्त हैं, कृपया लाइन में बने रहे या पुनह प्रयास करें धन्यवाद .

34 calls one after another, beeped the same message..... पुनह प्रयास करें धन्यवाद.

One after another i have shoot 5 SMS's

1. out of all the dirty things u posess, u know what is the dirtiest one? u r such a coward girl, now face me. u bloody murdrer of my friend.

2. jis relation ko banane k liye tune mere friend ki jaan li hai... that relation will never work for you.. A bleeding heart is cursing you really, dil se.

3. U have Smashed my belief by your foot, God will never forgive you.

the vodafone number you are calling is busy on another call, kindly hold the line or call again later !!! .................. For another 26 times.

4. kitni besharam insaan hai tu, mujhe laga itna itna sunne ke baad kahin mooh chhupa ke ro rahi hogi, lekin tu toh apne naye yaar ke sath lagi hui hai. Shameless creature.

5. Will talk to u tomorrow, u have 2 options ya baat kar lena ya jaise vinay ko kaha tha, apne boyfrn se bolke mujhe pitwa dena.

That time my senses were overruled by my demons.... for me i was talking to the murdrer of my friend, the friend whoom i have loved like anything. i believed my friend has died and will never be back, and i wanted to shoot the killer right away. By any how i wanted my friend back. but knowing that it was not possible my frustration started circulating throughout my body like glucose in blood and my anger started leaking invoulantry from the pores of my body, and i was having no control over that.
"Strange but true"

Another 11 calls were made and it was still beeping busy tone. 12th call after a while gave the first ring, suddnly disconnected. My another cellphone beeped SMS tone,

Her reply:

God himself knows that i've done nothing wrong, so mujhe kuch nhi hoga. m not a coward girl. One thing get cleared in your mind, you've lost your bestest friend you could ever have... and now i know that i've lost.....

JUST NOTHING.!

My re-reply:

Even mujhe bhi pata hai tumhe kuchh nahi hoga, kyunki bhagwan se maine manga tha tumhare saare dukh mujhe mil jaye.. I m still paying 4dat, and keep paying. u just keep urself happy seeing me bleeding and withiring in pain.

HRITHIK TIMES IN INDIA

Realizations...

May, june & July are the three months in roman calender i always confused with, i m never able to remember any special day or historical moment comes in these 3 months, not even my mother's birthday, no certain reason for this but this happens from childhood, and never i have tried to figure out the reason for this.

The only good thing about present days are, they are falling in the month of may, june and july and i m sure they cannot be remembered long, only which i can consider had brought me in very pathetic condition... Surely they are not amongst the worst days of my life because the condition has taught me a lot of things.

A little mystry, a liitle pain, a litte struggle is very necessary in life, at least for making a referance that the days you consider good, and to know exactly how much goodness they actually posess. a little misfortune will bring you in a position where you are forced to rely upon your hard work more than your luck. A person can only enjoy the taste of success who himself has experienced failure. Someone has right said "दूसरो की गलतियों से क्या सीखना" try your own mistakes.

Few wrong descisions in your life will make yoy realize how correct your parents were, few wrong people will make you realize how precious your true friends were, and a heavy loss in your business makes you realize how satisfying that little profit was. But the factor of REALIZATION only comes when you trave across this Deep Intellect slumber.


Being motivated everytime is not possible, being energetic, being efficient, being aware may not be possible everytime, but which needs to be uninteruptedly continuing in you in any circumstances is being enthusiastic. what i beleive from my very experiences is its absolutely fine and acceptable if have nothing in hands, but its absolutely not acceptable if you have nothing in your dreams.


Cry, if you feel like crying.

Shout, if you feel like shouting.

Sing loud, if you feel like.

Make arguments illogically, irritate people unreasonably, make offences... show frustration if you are frustrated... its acceptable

but which is not acceptable is HOPELESSNESS.

"LOVE SPEAKS NO LANGUAGE"

If you wonder how true love can be communicated then you must watch this movie,

Surinder Suri argues with his friend that he is doing nothing wrong by allocating his parental property to his wife Tani ji, eventhough he knows very well that she is planning to elope with Raj who is actually Surinder himself in fashionable & heroic getup.

Surinder's argument was when tani asked curiously; "तुम इतना खुश कैसे रह सकते हो राज? क्या तुम्हे प्यार में दर्द नहीं होता?" Raj replied overwhelmingly and with a convincingly heart touching smile... "दर्द; प्यार तो रब्ब दी मेहरबानी है, तो प्यार में कैसा दर्द? और रही बात प्यार जाने की तो प्यार कोई प्यार के बदले थोड़े न किया जाता है. अब देखो, मुझे आप में रब्ब दिखा, मुझे आप से प्यार हो गया... आपको किसी और में रब्ब दिखा आपको किसी और से प्यार हो गया... यह तो बड़ी simple सी बात है..."

Tani's voice raised an octave, "मेरी लाइफ इतनी simple नहीं है राज", with a serious node "मुझे किसी में रब्ब नहीं दीखता" and then raj offers tani to elope wid him and she agrees.

The feeling of a heartbroken husband called surinder inside raj cannot be explained in words. but his plea of giving without expecting anything in return in love gives his lovestory an extra lift.

And i m feeling the same now...

Really... "सच्चे प्यार में दर्द नहीं होता"

Words Of Wisdom, “..HAPPY DIWALI..”

A boy, who is young but not mature expects others to feel the same way when he says somebody "Don’t worry dear, i am always with you". When someone shows affection to him he feels good, but sometimes his affection is not required, not needed at all. Is this his fault? He who delivers free hugs, receives pain sometimes in exchange, is this deal justified on humanitarian ground. Probably not, he need to grow up, this is what people say. People who hurt you do not deserve to be treated well. This is the true meaning of "Growing Up".

God always believed to say, treat every human well, be humble to all, give wisely, think wisely, when they hurt you do not hurt back. If these are the thoughts of God, then we can say God himself has not grown up. There is always a contradiction in the Gods thought and Practicality of life. Look, nobody has seen God, the values and ethics were created by human beings only, then why do they refer these thoughts to God. Because serving to the mankind gives you a feeling to being connected to the eternal power of almighty, is it? Then why do we hurt back....?

Look i am not here to confuse you all people, or i m not turning to absolute spiritualism, i am just pointing to a simple thing. We are no machine, we are human beings and we behave the way a human is expected to behave, we are loaded with a function called "EMOTIONS" which is responsible for almost every act of us ranging from love, affection, hate, anger, pain, agony, disdain everything. So it’s quiet normal to get hurt when somebody hurt us, because everyone of us is having adrenal gland which secretes Adrenalin, which constricts blood vessel, which raises blood pressure, and ultimately causes hypertension, in which we do not even have any control. So it’s quiet normal if someone hurts us to get a sensation of hurting him back.

In every situation where you serve for mankind, you are suspected to keep a reason for that particular act. And believe you me it is quiet normal if you find yourself a victim of others while showing selflessly affection to them. Human is a social animal and is supposed to be selfish, so any act which goes against selfishness is also suspected. If a person does not hurts back when he gets hurt, and expects from others to feel the same way what he feels when somebody shows him affection. And describes Love as eternal power which connects human to almighty is considered immature? Why so? For him affection is important, regardless of the source from where he is getting. Still he needs to grow up, for what?

To become aggressive is human’s natural tendency, to be calm needs effort. To get hurt is again natural, to do not hurt back demand effort, to secrete aldosterone is autonomous, to relax is voluntary, to hold back is reflex action to let go demands will power, giving punishment makes you human being, forgivingness connects you to Almighty. GROWING UP is a continous process TOUGHENING UP is magical.

"Mature is a person who can tolerate the secreation of extra adrenaline from his glands without reacting, mature is a person who do not show the act of selfishness when it is most expected from him."

Wishing You And Your Family A Very Happy And Memorable Festive Season

"..HAPPY DIWALI.."

"WRITING DOWN THE FEELINGS"

I am in a habit of saying the things, right the moment it comes to my mind. And because of that obsession probably i am writing this post @ 3:42 AM, yes something clicked my mind and i wake up to share my thoughts with you people.

I perhaps don't know how many out of you are going to take benifit of this post, but what i genuinely believe is "Stones and pebbles we through outside, Genius turns new roads with them". A genius can bring out something useful even from a bin of garbage.

Over the years human beings have developed a tendency to understand things by reading and writing, does this method of communication have some advantages over other methods? friends this post is gonna be boaring for all who seeks relationship guiadence in my blog, today i m in a mood to write something really productive.

why do we people create blogs, just to mark our presense in the world of internet, or just to make our useless time more inetresting however not productive.

i can proudly say, i've created my blog because i am in a habit of writing down my feelings, and this is a wonderful feeling when you know you have the ability to give words to your feelings

Yes, i was saying, over the years human beings have developed a tendency to understand things by reading and writing, For eg: Some lessons related to Good habits and Bad habits are taught in school to your kids, so that ur children should know what are good habits and what are bad, what he should do and what he should don't. The process of teaching by books and written examinations i believe is a wonderful process, Books are there to deliver and exams are conducted to assure the penetration of thoughts in the child's mind. And miracleously a child even develops the habit accordingly as it is expected from him

From day one to the journey of learning from school to college then post graduation, further studies, we have developed the habit of understanding the things by merely reading and writing,

so why do we not follow this method while talking to ourselves, while dealing with our problems.

Surely the people who follow this method i believe are more contented, more satisfied, more determined and the top of all.... "They more know themselves".

I strongly believe, people over the world must develop the habit of writing, it will help you to:

1. Have a clear insight of understanding to your problem.

2. More probability for implementation of SOP (Standard Operating Procedures) as you have planned for yourself into your routine. In turn you will become more desciplined.

3. Making references for later introspection of your present situation.

4. Provides you a scale to measure your progress in overcoming the problems.

5. Minimizes confusion, and provides clarity to your thoughts.

6. And finally it will help in keeping a control in your tounge in discussing your negetive points with others.

7. Reduces the probability of skipping your special thoughts from your mind, and prevent forgetting precious things.

8. Much more to write and even more to discover.

ENJOY THE FEELING OF READING, DEVELOP A HABIT OF WRITING DOWN YOUR FEELINGS, AND START TALKING TO YOURSELF.

Issued in public interest by:

A Writer in me...

"Dimag ke vichaaro ko likhte likhte subeh ke 6 bajj gaye............ Goodnight friends"

" LONELY SENSES "

She has changed her caller tune from "Pyar toh... ho jaane do" to "Tum jo aye zindagi mein... baat bann gai". I don't really know what was there in her mind, but i started relating this particular thing with my presense in her life. I have also set an "indian Groove" caller tune to impress her. I know this is very silly thing to consider but i really started thinking this way only, and till that time all the things were perfectly allright.

I've already sensed, there was something wrong in her behaviour. her way of speaking, her gesture, her IQ, her choice of hairclips, her toothpaste, her lack of knowledge about my profession, that must be anything, i dont exactly know what was that, this could be anything may be that factor is not even in the list, i dont really know what was that. But one thing i was sure from the beggining is that this is not the gurl of my choice.

I believed i was far better than this girl..., in every respect, sometimes i doubted this is my ego who is prompting from my inside, my superiority complex or something else, but soon i realized no, i am wrong, i am really better than her.

Although she was taking enough intrest in me, but seemingly to hide something from me. I was extreamly coutious while dealing my emotions with her. because i have already taken 2 love antibiotic doses in past 5 years. I have again changed my caller tune from "Indian groove" to "Chokhe chokhe, eto kotha" a regional song we both belong to, purely for the sake of impressing her.

This time she is more genuinely impressed. We have already planned our honeymoon spots, name of our children, sequence of producing first boy and then a girl baby, color of curtains, expendeture of our salaries and savings after marriage, even when i was also not sure and ready to accept her as my wife..., What wife? FUCK! as a girlfriend even.

When asked about her relationships she named a punjabi boy, who is no more in her life, when asked about people at her vicinity he named a boy who is her friend, but not a marriage material for her she believes, and she included few girls who are not important to mention here.

Days passed, misbelief strengthens, faith diminishes...... and love ha ha ha, has never even existed lol.

Finally the day arrived when i raised curtain from every suspense............

(TO BE CONTINUED)

"Mr. Perfect V/S Mr. Perfectionist"

She said; You are not the perfect person for me, because you are not perfect by your own anyway. i know people who are just perfect, perfect in almost every feild. And till their existance how come you stand a chance to become my Mr. Perfect.

I thought in my mind, "Its very true that there are people in the world who are just perfect. and this is also very true that i am not one amongst them."
But can this be the reason for me to be disappointed, can this be the reason for me to loose hopes....?

I imparted,
"They are perfect probably because, God is more grateful towards them, Almighty has showered his blessings on them"

May be i am not one of them because i am not God's faviourite child. do now i got the reason to loose hopes.......?
perhaps not.
I agree i am not perfect, it doesn't makes any difference but i can undoubtedly claim myself a "FIGHTER". And i believe a "Perfect Person" may have a chance to loose a battle, but a fighter tries again and again, until he totters and trips... he never gives up and continously makes effort to bring absolute perfection in his work until he get SUCCESS.

"I certainly agree, i may not be the most successful lover on earth, but surely the most satisfied lover on earth." Because i know i have had enough consequences which have the ability to shatter me into peices but see, I am still united. I believe if circumstances which already is worse cannot able to brought any single thought of stop loving you... what else can further worsening of situation can harm me.
"I rather choose to become your Mr. Perfectionist than Mr.Perfect."

"I NEED LOVE"

I srtongly believe in the following lines by Chetan Bhagat from "One Night @ The Call center" (Pg 262)

'Love? I need a lot of love?' I said.

'Of course, you do. And everyone else does too. Funny we never say it. It is okay to scream in public if you are hungry "I'm starving". It is okay to make a fuss if you are tierd "I'm so sleepy". But somehow we cannot say "I just need some more love". Why cant we say it, Shyam? It is as basic a need.'

HOW MISUNDERSTANDING DEVELOPS

Suppose today morning u were very busy,and u were trying to wrap up things as quickly as poosible to avoid any disputes from your boss.
suddenly one of your very good friend call you up at 10:30 AM and said she is feeling very lonely and depressed too, she approach you to watch a movie with her. As you vere very busy you said i would love to go with you honey but today i had a heap of work to be done, so as soon i finish my work i will call you, and hopefully by 2 PM i will coverup all my work and will be free to go to you.

and you disconnect the phone, after 1 hour you realize most of the pending work is done and the remaining work can be left for tomorrow, but still you know if your work is kept pending your boss will kill you, but you take a second thought about your friend that she is more in need of yours, and immidiately you call back to your friend and said, yeah i will get free in another one hour so lets meet at nearest multiplex i will buy tickets for both of us, you reach there positively by 2 pm. And she agreed.

you go to the multiplex, buy tickets, and the clock tickes to 1:30, u make a call to your friend, the phone beeps busy, you wait for 15 mins and u gave a second buzz the phone is still busy, after another 2 mins you again make a call and this time the phone is switched off.

You keep on trying to call your friend and after 5 to 6 try the phone rings, she picked the call, the voice is not clearly audible, and without any productive talk she hangs up in 58 seconds. Now you temper rises, you loose you patience, ur mind fills with numerous thoughts most are negetive thoughts.

you come your home back, opens your lappy and start working again, and at 5:00 PM she calls you up, commits sorry for her this weierd behaviour

and the last word she said was:

"Oh i am verry sorry dear, i am sorry, i stuck somewhere, i cant tell you what exactly happened, but i promise this weekend i will surely watch a movie with you. plz forgive me this time, i hope you will understand."

this particular "I PROMISE THIS WEEKEND I WILL SURELY WATCH A MOVIE WITH YOU"

Dear readers, in your opinion this particular sentense delivers what messege to the boy, what is your opinion, your comments are valuable plzz comment

FEW WORDS ABOUT MYSELF

I strongly believe in the following lines (Written In Blue) by
-ALBERT EINSTEIN-

"There are two things in the universe which are infinite; the universe itself and the other is human stupidity, but i am not sure about the former."

Actually a person can never recognizes his golden period while his voyage across this phase.

He always recognizes when the period is over, and then he regrets for his best opportunity lost.

because during his golden period he missed every other opportunity in order to grab the better opportunity than the one he is getting.

its taken on the account of luck that his success is the result of his intelligence and the result of his descision taken as its best and also during his best time.

I am a kind of person who always believes in God and have faith in him in every circumstances but definately not a spiritual one in a real sense,

i believe hard in destiny but i am not a dead fish who swims with the stream having no survival value for his original thoughts of being what exactly he want to be.

i keeps on trying and trying being very optimistic even when i know that i am surviving with a little hope of getting favour from the person i want to conquer.

even at times when i am pretty unsure if destiny will take me to the place where i want to go, i am eveready with my bags packed.

I am certain with one thing that i will see myself in the coming years being in one of the following condition only and nothing other than these.
1. Either successful.
2. Or fighting for my dreams.
3. Or dead with my head held up high.

i agree i am bound not to go beyond my destiny, but i am also bound not to see myself giving up in any circumstances, "I AM A FIGHTER" and i will fight till the end and this is for sure.

My ideas are as original as My identity is, my will power is as strong as diamond, my dreams are as unique as life on earth.

winning is not an option. Not always the best of them rather its a descision for me. It's very true that sometimes we judged unfairly, but the journey of success begins only when we overcome this method of finding incompatibility and even restricting oneself from being a winner.